After a contentious town meeting where some violence occurred, the village of Duxbury Beach will move aggressively against their Great White Shark population.
They will procure the services of noted shark hunter Captain Quint.
"Captain" is actually his first name, as long as your definition of "actually" hangs on asking Quint his first name and getting an answer of "Captain."
Rumors of Quint's untimely demise in a Martha's Vineyard shark interaction have been, as they say, greatly exaggerated.
Duxbury's shark population was thought to be non-existent, but numerous sightings in recent years culminated in a widely-seen video this week of various sea devils devouring a whale.
A shark attack in nearby Manomet a few years ago nearly offed two kayakers. That shark had been filmed by a state police helicopter the day before, off Duxbury. A fatal 1800s attack also went down off Scituate, far enough offshore that it was essentially off Duxbury.
It was feared that, when the whale carcass was removed, sharks would then be needing a food source, and realize it as they swam past the thousands of bathers at Duxbury's beaches.
Local officials were unapologetic regarding their decision to offer a blood-money contract on a protected species.
"Unlike Cape Cod, we won't send our people into the water while a limousine with teeth is lurking offshore," said Duxbury Beach Mayor Stephen Bowden. "While Cape Cod dithers, Duxbury Beach acts."
Terms of the deal with the shark hunter were undisclosed, and we were unable to determine if the Duxbury Beach Reservation funded the hiring as we go to press.
Quint is chumming off the shores of Duxbury Beach as you read this. He is unconcerned with protests over his lucrative mission.
Duxbury Beach is closed to swimming until the hunt us over.
He is at sea upon the Beyonce, as his prior boat, the Orca, is said to be damaged.
Quint doesn't plan to use harpoons on this shark. "I plan on drinking 17 Naragansetts and tricking the shark into eating a scuba tank, which I will then detonate with a high powered rifle."
"If that doesn't work, I'll lure the evil bastard over to Bug Light and electrocute him."
Very funny!
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