Local Town Nicknames

Most of the town names around here are easy enough to figure out. Duxbury was the name of the Standish family estate back in the E. Plymouth was named after an English port city. Hull was named after an English river, Marshfield was named for her meadows, Kingston was named for Stephen King, and so forth.

But locals have their own language, and these towns around here often get a second name, and sometimes several of them.

I'll lead off here by stating that I know where none or almost none of these nicknames come from... especially the fun ones like Marsh Vegas or Deluxebury. I'll be guessing, mostly to entertain you good people. If you disagree, don't get all mad at me... you'll find me amenable to opposing views, because I realize even before I start writing that your guess is as good as- and possibly better than- mine. I just happen to be the one at the keyboard.

Let's check some nicknames... and folks, if you get offended, remember that I'm not the Chamber of Commerce. Your town earned these nicknames.

Marshfield 

We may as well start at the top. Marsh Vegas is the Grandaddy Caddy of local town nicknames.

A lot of people hate this nickname, but I think that they're being a bit sensitive. Marsh Vegas- big, bold, bawdy- rules!

It almost doesn't matter, because Marshfield people tend to identify their homes by villages. They are more likely to say "Brant Rock" or "Green Harbor" than to answer "Marshfield." No one from Duxbury does that, other than perhaps the people in really rich neighborhoods saying something along the lines of "Washington Street."

Las Vegas was founded in 1905, and gambling was legalized there in 1931. After Dubya Dubya Deuce, casinos began to spring up. It was famous after that.

But where does Marsh Vegas come from?

There are several prominent theories.

1) Mark Parentau made it up.

Parentau,  the kid-diddling former WBCN DJ, was a Green Harbor resident once. If you waste a morning looking for Marsh Vegas origin stories, you see ol' Mark Parentage coming up a lot.

However, it seems as though he may have just popularized the term by dropping it on WBCN broadcasts when he could. Mark started at BCN in the late 1970s, and the term was already in wide use for decades by then.

2) Marshfield Fair horse racing

You can bet on horses, and that goes a long way in a place founded by Puritans so stuffy that they even banned Christmas.

The Marshfield Fair, and several other agricultural fairs, were allowed to solicit betting on horse racing. Race Fixing was widespread.

However, this is more likely a part of the whole than the whole itself. If it were the whole, Marshfield would have a horse-racing styled nickname, aka Marshfield Downs or something.

3) Gambling, Ballrooms, Eating Establishments

We live in a modernized South Shore, with malls every 1000 yards and a Dunkin' on every block. It used to be a lot quieter in these parts.

But not Marshfield. As soon as ocean recreation became popular in 'Murica, Marshfield was a favorite spot. Marshfield began to cater to out-of-towners, and was soon the Fun Mecca of the region. Compared to, say, a sleepy Freetown side street, Marshfield would look like the friggin' City Of Light.

The resulting Gestalt of it would be a mix of all of those attractions, viewed from an unsophisticated Swamp Yankee eye, resulting in a cool nickname.

4) "The Meadows"

"Las Vegas" or "Los Vegas" (I took French in high school, which got me laid a couple of times but is of no use in this particular discussion) is Spanish for "the meadows." Marshfield is literally covered in meadows, to the extent that there really was no second choice for a town name... except, of course, Marshfield.

5) Route 139

Marshfield was never shy about her commercial district. Route 139 is almost a complete run of business signage from the highway to the beaches. It may not look like much if you drive by it every day, but you need to remember that neighboring Duxbury wouldn't even let Dunkin' put a sign up.

Most people in these parts live in quiet little cul de sacs, so Route 139 is as much advertising as they'll see unless they drive up to Boston or turn on the infomercial channel.

Anyhow, your guess is as good as mine.

If Marshfield dropped the "field" and added "Vegas" to the town name, they'd probably be everyone's second favorite town.

Long shot/you heard it here first bet? If "Vegas" can be hung off of whatever Massachusetts town gets a casino, look for some variation of the Vegas name to be formed from their name. "Taunt Vegas" or "Midd Vegas" or whoever...

Let's hop a town line or two, shall we?

Pembroke

Pembroke has 2 nicknames, neither one in wide usage. "Pimp Broke" is mostly used by hip-hop fan kids, and may never have been uttered by anyone over 17 years old who isn't writing this article.

"Pemby" is useful only to people who have to write "Pembroke" a lot. It's kind of cute and peppy, but is also not in wide use.

Pembroke's nearest flirtation with an alternate name was in colonial times. They were very nearly called "Brookfield," as the town is covered with both brooks and fields. "Mattakeesett," which means "place of many fish," was also pretty catchy.

They ended up naming it after a Welsh castle, river, battle and village. Massachusetts got the far more peaceful Pembroke.

There is a small section of Pembroke named Bryantville, but it was never really a contender for the whole town's name. I spent a year of academia trying to find out who named Bryantville, and I'm pretty sure it was a guy named Bryant.

Hanover 

Some nicknames take care of themselves. Hanover is named after a German city, sort of as a tribute to King George, a Hanoverian head of state in England who was perishing at the time of Hanover's 1727 incorporation.

Hanover (formerly a part of Scituate, another hard-drinking town) people are the veterans of many a hard-fought bottle, and they don't need a second nickname.

Hangover!

Taunton

Taunton has a pair of nicknames, neither of which really fits.

"Silver City" harkens back to the days when silversmiths practiced their craft there. There's nothing wrong with this nickname, other than Taunton not being in Nevada.

It's bad enough that people use "Taunton Mall" in place of the "Silver City Galleria "

Taunton's "Christmas City" nickname stems from their zealous holiday decorations. Attleboro, right next door, has them beat with La Sallette.

Scituate

Scituate is a pretty cool name, made cooler by the fact that only locals can pronounce it.

You will hear this pronounced with a misleading "Skit" prefix now and then, perhaps springing from the Cape Cod habit of teasing the tourists (for instance, there is no Cape Cod Tunnel) now and then.

We may as well knock off another Heavyweight next...

Duxbury

Duxbury is a rather posh locale, and shoulders a lot of hate from the more blue collar towns. Naturally, there will be some good-natured ribbing involved.

Unknown to history, some South Shore genius hung "Deluxebury" on to someone who most likely deserved it. "Bucksbury" was passed over.

Duxbury embraced the term, and using it on them is now ineffective, much like when black people call white people "honky." 

There is a Deluxebury Wheels in Los Angeles, which could just be one of my people moving out west. I wish they made rims, but I don't think that they have a website.

Dorchester

Dorchester is known as "The Dot." That's a shame, because "Dorchester" has the fun-to-use double R spelling, which gives Boston accent users two opportunities to drop the R.

It is also close enough to Worcester to confuse non-residents into a Dor-ster pronunciation.

Southie should have a name to drop Rs from, but they don't.

We had to use the Brockton BFC picture, as I am editing this article on Cape Cod and really do not feel like driving to the Dot for a pic. BFC originated in Dorchester, which makes it OFD, which actually is a nickname for former Dots.

Halifax

Halifax is the opposite of Deluxebury and Marsh Vegas. They chose their own nickname, knocking a syllable off the total cost.

They call the town Hally, pronounced like the first name of Miss Berry from Monsters Inc.

Facebook feedback tells me that usage of this term is limited.

Monponsett

Shortened to Mopo, which is probably a syllable too many for this tiny area. 

It is Wampanoag for "island between the seas."

One of our authors uses Monponsett as a sort of Alan Smithee nom de guerre. She's been doing it long enough that we forgot her real name... it may be Moreau.

Bridgewater

Any of the Bridgewaters- East, West or Regular- is known as Bilgewater here and there. I'm not sure if there is a sewage treatment plant in town. I have no idea who hung it on them.

Locally, there may be some Eastie/Westie distinction. I don't know... I went to the U, but I commuted.

Hardcore Bridgewater residents still refer to Brockton as "North Bridgewater."

Plymouth

Plymouth's America's Hometown nickname is so prominent that it almost needs a nickname for itself. 

It also isn't casual, like most nicknames. I doubt that Madonna's friends call her "Madonna," and- likewise- no one says "I'm headed down to America's Hometown today" to other locals.

However, this was the big one I forgot to add. See? I do take (useful) advice from commenters.

Brockton

It's never a wise policy to make fun of Brockton where she can hear you, but it is known as Brocky, B-Rock, 30 Brock and a dozen other minor epithets.

The high school used to be known as Club Homeboy, but that may have played itself out.

Whatever you call Brockton, I'd advise you to smile when you say it.

Otherwise, stick to The City Of Champions.

New Bedford

New Bedford is sort of lame anyhow... "We couldn't think of an original name, so we stole an old one." Would you pay money to see "New Led Zeppelin" and such?

No worries... New Bedford is also known as New Betty, New Beddy, New Beffuh and both Beige and New Beige. I'm pretty sure that New Beffuh is white trash articulation, while various forms of Beige are pure Portuguese patois. After a while, it just sort of became one of the names.

Each of these names are used extensively, especially by me.

Middleboro

Facebook people are telling me ex post publisho that Middleboro, which we sometimes refer to as Middle Bro, is actually called Diddleboro.

Middleboro is horribly misplaced, as it should be between Northboro, Southboro and Westboro. I'm not sure if there is an Eastboro, that may be what Marlboro is for.

Either way, they need Middleboro. Maybe we could trade the name for a police cruiser or a math teacher.

Renaming our Middleboro would be fun. It was originally Nemasket, which means "place of fish." Naming it for a war hero would rock, as would naming it Mookie to honor the Sox.

Long shot? "Brady." Dude deserves it. 

Mattapoisett

How you pronounce this word is not important, because if you get it wrong, by the time they go through the word's syllables, you'll have had enough time pass where you can say "Yeah, that's how I pronounced it."

Alternately Nattypoisett, Nastypoisett, Nasty P, Matty and Master P, most people just pretend they live in Marion to save syllables.

Complaints on Facebook are monitored and acted upon by small sites like ours. Many thanks to those who reminded the author- who dated a Mattapoisett girl, and should know better- that locals tend to refer to the town as either "Poi" or "the Poi."

The South Coast in itself is a nickname, invented as a sweeping-his-arm term by a weatherman. Todd Gross also coined "The Perfect Storm." 

Dude's a genius at nicknames. You might want to have him around when you have kids. Not at conception, of course...

The South Coast used to be known as the Greater New Bedford area.

I don't know who invented The South Shore. I know that a newspaper nicknamed Metro West.

Bourne

Not many one-syllable towns out there, other than Bourne and all the ones I can't think of (ed. note: Hull, Rowe, Lynn, Ware...ummm...) right now.

One-syllable-named people rarely get nicknames, unless they earn them. "Def Jeff" is a good example. I used to know a Cool Roy, he was also a good example.

Bourne is very parochial, as everyone there self-identifies by villages. The only villages I know who get nicknames are the mainland ones, Bee Bay and Snagawhore. They are generally used derisively, usually by the residents of said villages.

Buzzards Bay House Of Pizza is in my phone as BBHOP, pronounced Bee Bop. The second syllable almost looks Egyptian.

Bournedale is also known as "Shortcut."

Eastham

Eastham doesn't have a nickname. People tend to self-identify by beaches, which is a pretty nice option to have.

Eastham is in this article because I enjoy watching the East-ham vs East-hum pronunciation battles on Facebook. 

I am far too easily amused, yes.

Provincetown

Everyone knows this one, even heterosexuals and people from the Berkshires.

P-Town!

There is no second contender for the title, look.

OK, some people call it the tip.

It is very Massachusetts to not have a gay nickname for Provincetown, especially with Gay Head out on the Vineyard. Tourist dollars may be diverted.

Sandwich

For some reason that I never identified during my near decade as a Bourne town reporter, I have observed a sizable % of the locals refer to this town as "Sammich." It is even done in print.

This is not at all done in a derogatory manner.

Otherwise, Sandwich doesn't really need a nickname.

Hyannis and Wareham

Cape Cod is a nice little place, and generally is the sandy tourist trap that you think it is. However, there are some shifty parts, where folks are sketchy like Captain Bob.

I list these two as a pair, because they share the same modus operandi as far as nickname assumption goes.

For one, both are known as "Brockton-by-the-sea," sort of like "Manchester-by-the-sea" but 100% opposite. Wareham probably lives it more than a town that has the Kennedy Compound in it, but Hyannis had it first for their Wedge neighborhood.

Wareham sort of dines on the leftovers.... "Baby Fall River," "Coastal Lynn," or "Sea Lowell," which doesn't really fit but sounds sort of like Sea Level.

(Please note that we are aware that Lynn has a coast, and is therefore a beach town just like Wellfleet. We would remind the reader of Rush Street Reggie.

Rush Street Reggie was Reggie Theus, Reggie was the shooting guard for the Chicago Bulls who became obsolete when they drafted Michael Jordan. Reggie was traded away to Sacramento.

Theus gained his Rush Street nickname due to his love of the Chicago nightlife. Unfortunately, he wasn't traded to glamorous Los Angeles or sophisticated San Francisco. Nope. Sleepy Sacramento was his new home, not really that far from where that shaky Sasquatch film was made.

A reporter caught up to a miserable Theus at the end of the season, and asked him how he liked California. "Sacramento," said a depressed Rush Street Reggie, "is not California."

We feel that way about Lynn Beach on Cape Cod. Thank you, and apologies in advance)

We love "Shangri-La," but that's just a part of town.

Wareham also most likely would lose out on ?ham, as the town of Ware sort of deserves that question mark.

I do wish to one day write a cop show called "The 'Ham." We'll leave that discussion for a future article.

If we left something out, hit us up in the comments!

The Great Brant Rock Fire Of 1941

There'll be a hot time in the old town tonight...

Marshfield has always been a coastal hot spot, but never like in 1941.

1941 was the year that Hell came to Marshfield in the form of the Great Brant Rock Fire.

April 21 of 1941 was a windy day during what had been a very dry spring. Nobody knows what started the fire, although 200 had been reported across the state in previous days. My guesses would be cooking fire, pitched Lucky, pre-WW2 wiring... but I don't think anyone knows. This was before Pearl Harbor, so it most likely wasn't the Nazis or the Japanese.

Historian John Horrigan, who lived in the area at the time, says leading causes were a cigarette or an intentionally set fire (perhaps to remove brush) on Musket Avenue.

The fire started at the corner of Ocean Street and Plymouth Avenue in Fieldston. High winds sent it greedily eastward across the tall marsh grass, and it was soon burning a few hundred acres.

Then it hit the houses, and it was Inferno Time.

If you think that the cottages there are close together today, know that zoning changes made after this fire doubled the minimum lot sizes from 5000 square feet to 10000.

This is the heart of the Irish Riviera (Fieldston and Quincy's Squantum neighborhood are in a dead heat for America's Most Irish Neighborhood), and (sub)urban planners hadn't, to quote PJ O'Rourke, "figured out that you can't stack poor people who drink."

The fire jumped house to house. These were all wooden cottages, and many were burned flat in 10 minutes. It leveled great sections of Ocean Bluff and Fieldston as it roared towards Brant Rock.

Flames were 10 stories high. The fire could be seen from Provincetown and, amazingly, Nantucket. From a vantage point of Marshfield Hills, it looked like how Hell must look from Satan's throne.

Gamblers should know that this fire destroyed the Ocean Bluffs Casino, which was one of Babe Ruth's favorite spots. Witnesses said that the casks of booze in the casino exploded.

As the fire neared Brant Rock, a heartbreaking decision was made. They would dynamite every house between Samoset Street and the Brant Rock Chapel. This would create a firebreak to starve the blaze. Explosives were placed, and...

The wind then shifted from west to east. This blew the fire back on itself, and since it had burned Ocean Bluff and Fieldston to the sand, there was no more fuel for the fire. It burned out shortly after the wind shift.

Around 500 cottages burned. No lives were lost, perhaps due to the seasonal occupation of these cottages. The fire department evacuated 70 families from the area ahead of the inferno.

Post-fire, much of the area looked like those pictures you see of Hiroshima after we am become deathed them in 1945.

The event is somewhat forgotten. I stumbled across it looking for something else.

Ironically, the fire never made it to Brant Rock. How it got named what it did is also lost to History.

Pictures are from the Patriot Ledger, the Duxbury Fire Department and Other.

Memorial Day Weekend Traffic

6 PM, Friday

Bourne Bridge

The Centre Cannot Hold: Rotaries In Massachusetts

Buzzards Bay, Massachusetts

What is a rotary? What is a roundabout? What's the difference between them?

Basically, all of them are intersections that direct both turning and through traffic onto a circular, one-way road. Yes, I pasted that from Wikipedia.

The basic ideas behind rotaries are:
- simplifying the driver's visual environment
- allowing visual engagement
- encouraging deference to pedestrians
- reducing driver confusion
- allowing U-turns within the normal flow of traffic
- lowering idling and braking episodes, leading to less pollution and lower engine/brake wear
- lessening the need to brake, thus lessening the need to accelerate, thus saving fuel and lowering emissions
- lowering traffic noise associated with other intersections where cars have to stop fully
- eliminating perpendicular, T-bone crashes
- lessening gridlock associated with stoplight-style intersections.

Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Rotaries have been around longer than cars have, and had their start in Europe. At least one was operational in England in 1786, presumably for horses. Why, that there Arc de Triomphe in France is built with a roundabout. Older roundabouts have different entry and operational methods than modern ones... but since they're in Europe, we can just skip over that, right?

Half of the world's roundabouts are in France, while the UK has the most as a proportion to roads. France, which is about the size of Texas, has 30,000 roundabouts. If the Nazis believed in yielding to rotary traffic, WWII might still be ongoing. Rotaries became popular in America, and many were built as Great Depression busy work.

I'm not sure what we have on Cape Cod. The definitions get sort of touchy. For starters, "rotary," "roundabout," "traffic circle" and "road circle" are all listed as synonyms in American dictionaries.  Massachusetts people all use the wrong term, as our "rotaries" require people to yield to the traffic in the circle, thus making them, technically, "roundabouts."

However, our roundabouts often have an interior lane, which makes them rotaries.

A rotary by any other name still acts like a roundabout. It's like most things in life.... what is SUPPOSED to happen isn't always what DOES happen.

Buzzards Bay, MA

Rotaries and roundabouts were adopted fom the European model into the United States in large numbers in the early-mid 20th Century. The first US rotary was in Yarmouth.

By the mid 20th, they were also being removed in large numbers. Those presentations where they tell you that rotaries are safer and more efficient often match up poorly with the reality of wild collisions and LA-style traffic jams in small towns.

Pretty soon, only Massachusetts had roundabouts remaining in any great number. Wikipedia has two lists of notable American rotaries... one for America, and one for Massachusetts.

Sullivan Square in Charlestown? That's a roundabout. Same goes with Neponset Circle in Dorchester, Old Colony Rotary in Southie, the 18/28/44 rotary with the Friendly's in Middleboro... you get the picture.

Harvard Square, which you think would be square, has a roundabout. Hall's Corner in Duxbury is a roundabout, even though I'm pretty sure that round things don't have corners.

Maybe all of those stories about crazy Boston drivers are wrong, and we are the only drivers in America skilled enough to handle rotaries.

Yeah, I don't believe that either.

Duxbury, MA

Maybe we're too overcrowded and/or cheap to replace rotaries. It can be done, but said rotary has to offend a powerful man like Mitt Romney. Mitt had or has a Cape place, and wasted a lot of time that he could have been using to vulture-capitalize some poor business stuck in the traffic that preceded the Sagamore Rotary going onto Cape Cod.

Rotaries almost always laugh last in these situations, unless the Mitt Romney in question became Governor of Massachusetts. Buh-bye Sagamore Rotary, hello Sagamore Flyover, total cost = $50 million.

But worry you not... the Bourne Bridge has TWO rotaries, so everything balances.

Sagamore was jammed before the Flyover, and Sagamore is jammed after the Flyover. Bourne, which carries half of the traffic Sagamore does, suffers less. In 1991, when Hurricane Bob stormed at Cape Cod, there were 20 mile backups at the Sagamore Rotary. I've also seen traffic backed up from Sagamore to at least Exit 6 on Route 6 at 11 PM during typical Sunday night summer fleeing.

Rotaries were a great idea on Cape Cod back when we were 20,000 farmers and fishermen. Our population is 200,000 now, and it doubles on summer weekends. Buzzards Bay, which has 3000 souls or so on any given day, has megalopolis-level traffic twice a weekend for June, July, August and parts of September. People who live in Boston or Brooklyn dread driving through here.

Buzzards Bay, MA

There are Rules to the roundabout, which are on the books somewhere and can be accessed online. These come from government agencies, and work just fine.... in theory.

There are also Methods to a roundabout. These are taught to you by motorheads, well-sited gas station attendants and other locals. We'll get to those in a moment.

Here are the official rules, from the Massachusetts RMV:

Rotary Traffic Rules

Traffic travels counter-clockwise in a rotary. Always yield the right-of-way to vehicles already
in the rotary (unless told differently by signs or police officers) and to pedestrians. Use your
turn signals in the same way as any other intersection. Travel through the rotary and, when
you are ready to exit, use your right turn signal.

Choosing a Lane
If the rotary has a single lane, you must enter from the right lane of the road you are
coming from. You must exit onto the right lane of the road you intend to travel on.
If the rotary has multiple lanes, look for signs to help you choose the proper lane. If there
are no signs, you should do the following:

• For a quarter-turn, or to continue straight ahead, enter the rotary from the right lane.
Stay in that lane, and exit onto the right lane.

• For a three-quarter-turn, or a U-turn, enter the rotary from the left lane. Travel through
the middle or inner lane. Exit onto the right lane. If coming from a road with a single
lane, you should stay in the right lane for the entire turn.

In a multiple-lane rotary, there may be traffic on both sides of your vehicle. Do not attempt
to move out of your lane until it is safe to do so. If you miss your exit, don’t get upset.
Check the traffic around you. If it is safe to do so, go around again and position your vehicle
to properly and safely exit the rotary.

Do not stop in the rotary.

Bourne/Wareham line, MA

In reality... well, let's talk to a few experts, shall we?

Our experts in this case are:

1) A desk clerk at a rotary hotel. He is here because he, more than perhaps anyone on Cape Cod, must explain rotaries to people from out of state.

2) A police officer from Duxbury, a town full of old people which has (relatively) recently put a roundabout up at an intersection that had been a normal cross intersection since Myles Standish rode over it.

3) A guy who has been pumping gas at a Cape Cod rotary for 20 years, with a clear view of all the mayhem and a clear mind with which to remember crash stories.

4) A math teacher who is good with numbers and formulae.

5) A few expert drivers in niche fields, i.e. trucker, biker, chronic speeder, guy who drives in a demolition derby now and then...

Rather than to attempt to impose any order on this, I feel it would be best to hit you in a sort of stream-of-consciousness manner. I'm going to end the article with this, as little I can say will top the wisdom you can gain from these quotes from the experts.

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"The problem is layered, but simple. Massachusetts is the only state with extensive rotary use. Cape Cod is a tourist area, and attracts out-of-state people. They all meet in the rotary.

People are pulling into that rotary who have no idea what a rotary is, or even what a ROUNDABOUT AHEAD sign means. Remember, "roundabout ahead" means "What you're looking for is right up the road" in Georgia.

Those people are meeting up in rotaries with the only people in America who truly understand how to drive in rotaries... the locals. The locals know that the only rule in the rotary is Make Your Own Law. 

The people who know rotaries the best have a tendency to work them aggressively, which goes poorly with the more tentative approach used by the tourists."

***************************************
"The best way to utilize a rotary is by viewing it like stealing second in a baseball game. Take a slight lead, pick your spot, and explode into the gap. Drive THROUGH the target, just like sliding into the base. Never stop once you commit.

 If you are driving a big rig, you want to work more along the lines of how goal-line offenses are run in the NFL. Lower your head, power straight through, and count on Physics. "

***************************************
"Once you are in the rotary... never surrender the outer lane. If someone crashes into you trying to get to Rte 28 from an inner lane, it's their fault."

***************************************
"Drivers will always yield to things that can crush them."

**************************************
"Massachusetts drivers blast into the rotary without stopping. New Yorkers do the same, but they do so without looking. Connecticut drivers are sort of an amalgamation of the worst traits of both. Everyone else in the country is worse, save for people from NASCAR states, who sort of get the idea of driving in circles while tailgating... unless it snows."

**************************************************
"We had an old guy from Nebraska who coudn't get into the rotary, abandoned his car at the merge, sought me out and asked me, in a Nebraska/old guy manner, 'WTF?' I ended up pulling out into the rotary length-wise, blocking traffic so that he could get onto 28 South. I don't know what happened to him after that."

*****************************************************
"I saw a guy drive around the rotary 4 times, pull into my station, and ask which exit the f***ing tunnel was off."

*******************************************************

"We had a lady turn left into one, but I managed to block the lane and get her to stop before she killed someone."

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"Don't set out to wreck somebody, but don't be afraid to."

******************************************
"It is better to Cause the impact than to be impacted upon. Ideally, your rear end will be hitting his driver-side door.
**************************************

"If you cause an accident and have to flee for some reason, you can do a U-turn off the Bourne Bridge by taking one of the non-28 exits and looping under the Bourne Bridge. People will be pointing the cops west while you're appearing (and then disappearing) on the east."

******************************************************
"Yóu can stomp the gas pedal to the floor for about 4 seconds and not be technically speeding in most non-modified cars, as long as you use the 28 exit off the rotary instead of the Trowbridge Road one."

*******************************************************
"Using turn signals in a rotary is akin to aiding the enemy in times of war."

***********************************************************
"People entering a rotary are vulnerable to being T-boned on the driver-side door. You should remember this, plan for it, and take advantage of it whenever possible."

********************************************************************
"If you have a large set, you can skip the rotary by cutting through the State Police barracks. They love it."

*************************************************
"If you really have to throw your coffee at another car in the rotary, make note of what lane you are in. If you're in the outer lane throwing at a car in the inner lane, you have to lead him a bit or you'll soak someone innocent driving behind the targeted vehicle. If you're in the inner lane, you have to actually throw across your own windshield."

************************************************
"Never complain to a Massachusetts cop that they don't have rotaries where you live. It encourages contempt."

********************************

"Old people who don't get to this side of town much tend to just plow right through the roundabout when coming up Rte 14. Some are even aware that they are refusing to yield at a roundabout, and say that they can do so because they were here before the roundabout was. It's nice to see someone putting the 'grandfather' back into 'grandfather clause.'" 

Bourne, MA

 
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"Europeans, who you'd think would be better at roundabouts, instead are shocked to see one in America, especially if they have visited a few states and assume that America has no roundabouts. Instinct takes over, and the English ones are very prone to taking a left into it. I see it happen about once a summer."

************************************

"If you think the police are going to pull you over for something, get into the rotary and refuse to exit. The cop will think you're a tourist, and may even run interference for you just to get you out of his territory."

**********************************************************

"Only drive over the island as a last resort. Re-entry will be hazardous and you'll be operating from a disadvantage."

*******************************************************

"The guy with the Missouri plates in the outer rotary lane is going to drive broadside across the 28 South rotary exit without leaving the rotary, as sure as the sun will set tonight."

********************************************************

"Rotary clubs tend to meet in square rooms."

********************************************************

"I just want it on the Internet somewhere that they should have put the tugboat in Buzzards Bay into the middle of the Belmont Circle rotary. Since they already screwed up that, they should seek to acquire another tugboat.

If your rotary doesn't have something cool and distinctive in the middle of it, your rotary sucks."

*********************************************************

"A large truck is perfectly within the law using both lanes of the rotary, and they are also allowed to use the shoulder with impunity."

********************************************************

"Very few fistfights break out at rotaries, as it is difficult to pull over in one. You can also be edged out of the rotary by a near-miss. You might have to turn around in Pocasset to catch and fight someone who pissed you off at the Bourne Bridge rotary."

**************************************************************

"Most skidding in rotaries during snow events involves the back end sliping out and veering to the right. This can be capitalized upon to make fast exits. Remember to turn into the skid, it will align you properly."

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"If you cause an accident, never stop in the rotary. Direct the other driver into a safe area, allow him to enter first... then once he commits, stay in the rotary and flee at high speeds. Even if he gets back out fast, he'll never catch you."

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"If you have the outer lane, you can give the other driver the finger more efficiently. If you throw the bird out the window from the inner lane, the other guy won't see it, and the only ones who will be impressed are those CAPE COD bushes."

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"If they ever run a NASCAR race across Cape Cod, the rotaries would be the best part. We might need a 3rd and 4th generation of Earnhardts, especially if it snows"

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"If you are going really, really fast (slightly above 761 mph), you can stay in the rotary, honk your horn, and catch up to the sound. If you want to give yourself the finger and see yourself doing it, you have to go into the rotary at like 671 million mph."

Bourne, MA

TV/Movies with rotaries include:

European Vacation,

The Great Escape,

The Dukes Of Hazzard,

Ronin,

The Pink Panther,

The Trouble With Mr. Bean, 

Benny Hill,

28 Days Later

Terminator 2,

SPECTRE,

and just about anything with James Bond, Bridget Jones or that Transporter dude.

Deerscaping

We have a case here where either 1) my sister has Hobbits living in her yard, 2) although she thought she lived in Duxbury, she actually lives in a Super Mario game or 3) deer have been eating the topiary. I know it's Option 3 because my sister came home one night and steady busted three deer munching away. Only the limited reach of the deer, who I assume are fawns, gave us the mushroom shape. If the deer were taller, the bushes might look like the Eraserhead guy from Kid 'n' Play.

Deer love roses, rhododendron, hostas, lilacs, arborvitae, pansies, blueberries and anything else you might plant. If deer are hungry enough, they will eat bark off of trees. There are plants like bayberry or gingko which deer are less likely to eat.