Doomed Malls And The Silver City Galleria

The Banshee has howled for the Silver City Galleria. She's still open, but only at certain entrances. She has a Facebook page, but so do several of my dead friends. Only a fool would deny that the buzzards are circling.

As is often the case with mall deaths, this was a slow bleeding, more Death By A Thousand Cuts than a Jason Vorhees-style decapitation.

The death of a Mall is always a sad thing in the eyes of a child of the 1970s/80s. They are a cultural icon. Fast Times At Ridgemont High opens in a mall. Half of the stuff I owned came from a mall. My first indoor job was in a mall.

Today, we'll look at the reasons for the debacle in Taunton, and the demise of mall culture in general.

Malls exist because A) Americans buy a lot of different things, and B) you can only fit so many stores on Main Street in Smalltown USA.

With a mall, you clear out a bit of forest or swamp in the middle of a region, plop down a building about the size of a junior college campus, fill it with diverse stores and let business take her course.

There may not be a Macy's in tiny Dighton, but the residents can could still get a nice sweater if they were willing to drive into nearby Taunton and visit her mall.

This is important, as old people of rural upbringing can remember when everyone was essentially dressed in the same clothes from the same Sears catalog.

The mall houses local businesses or at least local franchises of national businesses. Some of these businesses can't stand alone... have you ever seen a free-standing Spencer's, for instance?

Shopping malls date back to Rome, but the indoor mall dates back to the 1950s. Sweden had the first one (named "Shopping"), and they were going up in the USA soon after.

Malls dominated American shopping through the 1990s, when 140 were being built per year. 

Box stores and online shopping then began to inflict killing blows. All the perfumes of Arabia will not remove the mall blood from Wal-mart's hands, as Wally undercuts the very department stores and niche businesses that malls rely on.

2007 was the first year that no new indoor malls were being built. The mall bubble had peaked, and then it began to contract. That contraction will now perform the coup de grace on the Silver City Galleria.

The first indoor mall in the Greater Boston area was Shoppers World, which went up in Framingham by 1956. The Westgate Mall in Brockton (1961) and the South Shore Plaza in Braintree (1963, enclosed in 1976) followed shortly after.

Highway development and urban strife filled the more rural suburbs. A second local mall boom followed, with Hyannis (1970), Dartmouth (1971), Hanover (1971) and Swansea (1975) getting in the game.

That was enough for almost 20 years, which seems to be a mall's shelf life. By the 80s, the malls in Dartmouth and Swansea were as dated as disco albums. They were poised for usurpation by more modern malls with food courts.

Attleboro had jumped on this opportunity in 1989, a year that Kingston had similarly targeted the mall in Hanover. Taunton was the last (1992) local indoor mall to go up, at least in SE Massachusetts.

The builders were thought to be crazy for building a mall in the Taunton forest, but they were on to something. Sited where two highways meet, the mall became a big hit.

At her peak, the SCG housed 90 stores and a community college. She had a firm grip on Bristol County's shoppers. She essentially strangled smaller malls in the area, formerly successful malls such as Swansea, Dartmouth and Mill River Place.

Life was good for the mall. My use of past tense here is meant to be foreboding.

All that Internet shopping and Wal-mart stuff from a few paragraphs ago evenually touched SCG. The Bush Recession sped up the death roll.

SCG was down to 70% occupancy by 2010. She went through a series of foreclosures, bankruptcies and fleeing stores.

Sears, Old Navy, PacSun, Victoria's Secret, JC Penney, Best Buy... the trickle of closing businesses soon became a torrent.

Add to this a 2016 rampage where some nut literally tried to murder everyone in Bertucci's, and a pall hung over the mall. I used to date a Taunton girl, and her response to my suggesting that we shop at SCG was, "Are you trying to get stabbed?"

I was there Thursday.  It was almost empty, save for (de)construction guys and a bunch of old people taking walks. Trading old people for zombies would make it indistinguishable from Dawn Of The Dead, although there weren't as many old people at SCG as there were ghouls in DOTD.

Spencer's, T-Mobile, Dick's, and Round One were the only open businesses. The food court was disassembled, save for the apparently unkillable Bourbon Street Grill.

Most of the parking lot is blocked off, all but one escalator is down and most of the mall entrances were closed. Stores were being gutted, and three workers were disassembling the little carousel.

I had hit the dab pen 15 times before entering, thinking that I would write a mirthful piece. Nope. I was depressed before taking 30 steps inside the building. It was like watching America die.

William Thibeault paid $7.5 million for the mall last May. He insists it isn't closing. However, I shall publish this article on February 29th, and I'd be amazed if the mall is still open on March 1st.

The music world has taken notice.

There is talk of converting it to a distribution center or whatever TF a "fulfillment center" is, and maybe that will happen. Who knows?

While other websites whine about the problem, Cranberry County Magazine takes action to save Taunton. Here are some ideas we came up with:

- Instantly become the laser tag or Air-soft mecca of the world by converting the whole mall to this purpose. The old people taking indoor walks would be collateral damage. Maybe you lose points for shooting them... or maybe you gain points.

- Set up a howitzer in the parking lot, and let people fire a shell into the building for 5000 dollars.

- Hide treasure in each store, fill the mall with traps, bears, carnivorous plants, serial killers and monitor lizards, then charge Ren Fair people X dollars to armor themselves and play real-world Dungeons And Dragons there.

- Leave it untouched, then open a Mall Museum there.

- Turn it into a voc-tech high school to prepare kids to enter the retail economy.

- Take a stab at cornering the retail marijuana market by converting it into a Weed Mall. Put in a dispensary (or perhaps several), and use the remaining stores to sell stoner-friendly stuff like candles, munchies and Pink Floyd records.

- Redesign it as a water park for January through September. For October, decorate it and run it as a sort of Spooky World haunted house. In November, string up a zillion lights and knock La Sallette out of business. Those damned Christians have had a stranglehold on Christmas for too long.

- Demolish the mall, but leave all the signs up. Find a hill with a commanding view and build a bar there. Let locals laugh as shoppers aimlessly drive back and forth, looking for a mall which is no longer there.

- Put SCG on the auction block, where it is purchased for $27US by Cranberry County Magazine, who then begin to make subtle inquiries as to where one might be able to procure a Komodo Dragon.

All kidding aside, this is a bad day for Taunton.

Jobs will vanish, tax revenue will dry up, nearby businesses will lose traffic and Taunton will lose a little bit of her swagger.

The psychological damage will be immense. Many people's first job was folding sweaters there, some long-married couples may have had their first date there and there are at least two or three generations of locals who will have their Christmas routines altered.

A man might see an icon of his youth meet the wrecking ball and start to think that maybe it's time for him to move on to greener pastures, as well.

Only time will tell. Until then, let's pour out a little liquor for an old friend.

President Quotes

Happy Presidents Day!

George Washington, upon being given command of the army during the Revolution: "This will be the commencement of the decline of my reputation." ... Steven Wright once asked, "When they asked George Washington for his ID, do you think he just took out a quarter?"

John Adams writing to his wife, who had mentioned that he was 60 years old in a letter: "How dare you? If I were closer to you, I'd convince you that I'm not a day over 40."

Thomas Jefferson, to an Italian diplomat bad-mouthing a sloppy Virginia church: "It is good enough for He who was born in a manger."

James Madison, when urged not to speak from his deathbed: "I always speak most easily when I lie."

James Monroe, as he attacked Alexander Hamilton with a pair of tongs: "You damned infernal old scoundrel!"

John Quincy Adams, upon running for the House after being President: "No person... could ever be degraded by representing his people in Congress."

Andrew Jackson (who deserves his own entry), when presented a list of shootings/stabbings/brawls that people from his hometown gave in hopes of deterring voters from making him president "Ahh...old Salisbury... I was a rough lad then, but I did my best."

Thomas Benton, on Martin Van Buren succeeding Andy Jax: "For once, the rising sun is eclipsed by the setting sun."

Benton on William Henry Harrison: "Give him a pension and a barrel of hard cider, and... he will... sit by a sea coal fire and study moral philosophy."

Toney, one of John Tyler's slaves, when asked his opinion of Tyler taking a woman much younger than he for a wife: "Massa... you be in your prime now... but when she's in her prime, where will your prime be?"

James Polk, on handshaking "When I saw a strong man, I took advantage of being quicker than he, and got him by the tips of his fingers before he could rend my arm from me."

Zachary Taylor, when approached to run for President: "Stop that nonsense and finish your whiskey."

Millard Fillmore: "I detest slavery... but we must endure it... till we can get rid of it without destroying the last free government in the world."

Franklin Pierce, upon losing his bid for a second term: "There is nothing left.. but to get drunk."

Bachelor President James Buchanan, when asked why there was no First Lady: "That, madam, is my misfortune, not my fault."

Abe Lincoln (who also deserves his own entry), when called "two-faced" by a Stephen Douglas during a debate: "I leave it to my audience... if I had two faces, would I wear this one?"

Andrew Johnson, to Jefferson Davis: "If I could not unsheathe my sword in vindication of my country, i would return it to the scabbard. I would never sheathe it in the bosom of my mother."

Ulysses S. Grant: "I know only two tunes. One of them is 'Yankee Doodle,' and the other isn't."

General Rutherford B. Hayes, when urged to run against Lincoln: "I shall never come to Washington, until I can come by way of Richmond."

James Garfield's doctor, on treating the still-living Garfield after his assassination attempt: "Some people say that prayer has saved the President... in my opinion, it was the whiskey."

Chester Arthur, on retirement: "There doesn't seem anything for an ex-President to do... but go into the country and raise big pumpkins."

Grover Cleveland fathered a child out of wedlock, and rivals used to chant "Ma, Ma, where's my pa?" Once GC won the election, his supporters would answer that chant with "Off to the White House... Ha Ha Ha!"

Benjamin Harrison: "I can not name my own cabinet... my party managers have sold out every seat on it to secure my election."

William McKinley, after watching his first football game: "They didn't have no game; they got into a fight and kept fightin'... when they ought to have been playing ball."

Theodore Roosevelt, on the battle of Kettle Hill (what he called the San Juan Charge): "I killed a Spaniard with my own hand... like a jackrabbit... look at those damned Spanish dead... Oh, but we have had a bully fight."

William Taft, on losing his bid for a second term: "I have but one consolation... no one has ever been elected ex-President by such a large majority."

Woodrow Wilson was giving an outdoor speech, when a small boy fought his way to the front row and asked what the crowd had gathered for. "I guess it is for me," said WW. "Shucks," said the boy. "I thought it was a dogfight."

Warren Harding, on meeting comedian Will Rogers at a White House reception: "This is the first time I ever saw you without paying for it."

Calvin Coolidge (who, despite his taciturn nature, has 10 pages of hilarious quotes) when a socialite told him that someone had bet her that she couldn't get three words out of him. He walked away from her after saying, "You lose."

Herbert Hoover, when told by Coolidge (during the Depression) that "you can't expect to see calves in the field the day after you put the bull to the cows," in regards to his acts to stop the Depression: "But I do expect to see contented cows."

Franklin Delano Roosevelt, who was described as " a nice guy" by a NY Republican leader: The leader was told, "Don't fall for it." The man asked, "Fall for what?" The other man sneered, "For a perfectly grand political personality, you fool!"

Harry Truman, when asked to describe his Presidency: "There's a grave at Boot Hill that says 'Here lies Jack Williams- he done his damndest.' What more can a man do?"

Dwight Eisenhower once asked an aide to golf with him. The aide declined, saying his wife was expecting him home for dinner. "Are you of mice or man?" asked Ike. "Man," the aide replied. "My wife is afraid of mice."

JFK, speaking to a crowd in Iowa that wasn't used to a nice Cape Cod accent: "What's wrong with the American fah-mah?" he said. "He's stah-ving" answered the crowd.

While showing reporters around his ranch, LBJ stopped to urinatein some bushes. "Aren't you afraid a rattlesnake will bite it?" asked a reporter. "Hell, boy, it is part rattlesnake."

While signing his book The Six Crises, Richard Nixon asked the next person in line who he should address his signature to. "You've just met your seventh crisis. My name is Stanislaus Wojechzleschki."

Gerald Ford, as described by his own wife: "He was an accidental president and an accidental vice president. In both cases, he replaced disgraced leaders."

Jimmy Carter, when asked how he would feel if his daughter had an affair: "Astonished. She's eight."

Ronald Reagan, upon being told that births to teen mothers had tripled during his time as governor of California: "I never felt so young and virile."

George Bush, disparaging an answer given in a debate by Mike Dukakis: "That answer is about as clear as Boston Harbor."

Bill Clinton, upon taking over for Bush: "There is nothing wrong with America that can't be fixed by what is right with America."

George Bush II, on Iraq: "Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, uhm, ahh, I won't get fooled again."

Barack Obama, at the SOTU, when conservatives cheered his statement that he had run his final two campaigns. "I know, because I won them both."

Donald Trump: "Mexico is gonna pay for the wall."

Surf Check: Westport

An absolutely brutal wind was blowing Friday, strong enough to knock power out to 80,000 people. We sent a crew out to check the waves.

The wind was SSW, which eliminated the South Shore from any wave watching consideration.

The South Coast gets the shaft on Nor'easter surf. Even the SSW winds only tune up part of the SC, as Martha's Vineyard blocks or lessens much of the heavier surf.

That leaves us Westport, which the Vineyard doesn't serve as a barricade for. She also is very accessible.

It has been a slow storm season. There hasn't been much in the way of high surf or heavy snow. 

We would have gone to Tiverton or Little Compton, which also get high surf with SSW winds. However, it's about a half hour getting from Horseneck Beach to Sakonnet Point, and we didn't have enough sunlight left.

We only consider Rhode Island to be South Coast for this SE Massachusetts website during storms with SSW winds.

There was a nice crowd at Gooseberry Island to check the waves.

I was technically at Gooseberry Neck, as the road was blocked. If I was really motivated, I'd have hoofed it out to the southern shore of Gooseberry Island. It would have been dark by the time I got there, so I just hung at the Neck.

It hasn't happened yet, at least not while I was there with a camera, but Westport is the most likely place to maybe see waves breaking on houses... at least on the South Coast. The SC is more threatened by hurricanes, which don't happen here that much.

You do see houses on stilts from Westport to Wareham, so the SC does get hit. It might be where we set up if a hurricane approached. Nor'easters tend to send our photographers to heavyweights like Duxbury or Eastham.

In the picture above and the video below, you can see Westport using a bulldozer thingy to push the water off of East Beach Road.

Sometimes...

... we do a rapid fire one-two shot from the same vantage point.