Cape Neddick Lighthouse, off York, Maine

The Cape Neddick Lighthouse went up in 1879 for $15,000. 

She is actually on Nubble Island, not Cape Neddick. The locals call it "Nubble" or "Nubble Light." She is just off of York, Maine. 

This lighthouse is so cool, they put a picture of it in the Voyager spacecraft. The Taj Mahal and the Great Wall of China share this distinction. It is supposed to impress any aliens who might find it.

If you look closely, you can see a little gondola/tram thing. That runs 100 yards or so to the mainland, and was used to get the lighthouse keeper's son to and from school. 

Props to Sheila Spellman for the pics.

Cape Cod Tornado vs Cape Cod Hurricane

The tornadoes that huffed and puffed and blew down parts of Yarmouth and Harwich were more outlier than typical. Cape Cod doesn't get a lot of those.

We don't get a lot of hurricanes, either... but we get a lot of them when compared to tornado activity.

The tornadoes we had this week were of the F1 variety, with winds around 110 mph. People who are into storms know that F1 is towards the bottom of the scale. That can seem disappointing.

While I don't live in Iowa or anywhere like that, I'm not 100% sure that an F1 would even get on the news there, especially where it may just wreck Earl's cornfield before dissipating.

Of course, it would only take a short ride through parts of Harwich to remind a person of just what an F1 can do.

The 110 mph winds of an F1 would be a strong Category 2 hurricane. We don't get many of those here, but we do get them. It's tempting to say "every 25 years or so," but if you study it some, you'll see a more random pattern

We had a bunch in the last 100 years, but no trend shows itself. 1938 came after a lesser-known 1936 one, was followed by a 1944 one, then two in 1954, two more in 1960/61, another pair in 1991... plus a couple dozen near misses.

We're 28 years since our last direct-hit hurricane. This fact, and the list of New England storms, show two things.

One: We don't get frequent hurricanes.

Two: We're due for one.

This week's entertainment in Harwich and Yarmouth were a small example of what a hurricane of similar intensity could do if she made landfall on the Sandy Spit.

Keep in mind that tornadoes produce isolated damage and only hang around for a few minutes. Tornadoes are a mile wide at best, while peak hurricane winds may stretch 50 miles from the center.

While a hurricane won't stay for 6 tides like a Nor'easter can, they do have a wide time window when compared to a tornado.

The Harwich tornado was 250 yards wide and stayed down for 2 miles and change. Yarmouth was the same width, but it stayed down for 5 miles. They combined to last 15 minutes. Damages were more widespread, but still flowed along the narrow path of the storms.

A strong Category 2 hurricane coming ashore in Yarmouth would do damage similar to that seen this week. However, the damage would be regional.

The whole Cape may suffer damage similar to what Harwich got. You could probably throw in the South Coast and South Shore too.

Power was out for 4 days in Harwich, and that is with Eversource flooding workers into the area. I run a Bourne hotel, we were full of Eversource crews, and we turned away a dozen other crews. Fire departments, the National Guard and even prison labor helped get the power back on as quickly as they did.

Imagine if all of Cape Cod was like Harwich? Exponential damage? Eversource and company wouldn't be able to focus on one line of damage, in one or two towns, like they did this time. Crews would be spread out from Provincetown to Fall River to Hull. Power could be off for months.

Harwich lost 150 trees, all along the tornadoes' paths. A Cape-wide version of that may take down 20000 trees, dumping them across roads, through houses and onto power lines... from Onset to Orleans.

Let's not forget that even minor hurricanes do catastrophic damage along the coast, via wave action. Our tornados were ashore and inland for most of their lives.

As bad as these tornadoes were... we got off easy. Our next natural disaster, for which we are far overdue, won't be so isolated.

Cape Cod Lightning

Cape Cod had a Tornado Warning tonight.

I was shooting near the Bourne Bridge.

The Cape Cod Wall

Cape Cod is all about Welcome! We rely on our tourists, and go to great lengths to draw them in to us. Without visitors, we'd be in a mess of trouble. White people were once visitors themselves, and we may have perished without the hospitality of the incumbent residents.

There have been times, however, where we sought to limit that access. Granted, the visitors in question had a habit of killing both livestock and perhaps the occasional Pilgrim-era child. They also were rather noisy at night, especially when the moon shone brightly. You couldn't go out safely without a gun. Things got bad enough that we once considered building a fence, right here in Bourne.

That seems sort of Donald Trumpish, but we're not talking about Muslims, Mexicans or even a Mohegan. We're speaking about wolves. Pilgrims and Sachems may have viewed the wolf differently, but both would agree that life is generally much happier when a hungry one isn't walking around the neighborhood.

Man has only been on Cape Cod for a hot minute when compared with the overall natural history of the region, but our time here has seen us be Impact Players to the point where you can divide the whole of Cape Cod's natural history into two parts. One part would be Since Man Arrived, and the other would be Everything Else.

Wolves were chased off Cape Cod by the time of the Industrial Revolution. The chief culprit was Habitat Destruction, and they were also heavily hunted once the Europeans arrived. The native Americans lived in harmony with nature, but their English cousins cleared out the forests. The wolves were gone soon after. However, during the process, there was a period- almost two centuries- where it was not unusual to lose livestock to the Big Bad Wolf.

Massachusetts was not even remotely urban outside of some bustling villages for a while, and they were almost 100% dependent on localized farming and livestock raising. Wolves love themselves a good lamb dinner if they can get it, and they don't really care if it hurts the people who are stealing their land. This set the stage for conflict.

A coyote, but a coyote that may be 25% wolf (Scituate, taken by Matthew Loveitt)

In 1713, the town of Eastham decreed that they would pay out 3 pounds for a wolf, payable when you show up at the constable's place with an adult wolf head. Since our little Cape wasn't the millionaire haven it is now, you know that anything worth a bounty was at least somewhat of a serious problem.

A person could make a fairly nice 1713 living by helping to rid the Cape of this toothy difficulty, if your definition of "nice" includes "hunting multiple apex predators in a dark, uncharted Algonquin forest with a single-shot-per-minute musket."

There were even bounties issued on individual wolves, with payment going to "any individual who shall kill the wolf who has of late been prowling through the township."

In 1717, the town of Sandwich came upon a unique idea. Why not build a fence to block Cape Cod off from wolves?

There are several famous walls, all built to keep something Bad out of (or in) a town. Hadrian's Wall was built to stop barbarians. The Great Wall of China was built to repel Mongols. The Berlin Wall was built to keep the Communists from leaving. Pink Floyd's "The Wall" made for a fine movie, but is completely unrelated to the topic.

The wall would have run roughly along the same path of the present Cape Cod Canal. I presume it would have been made of wood, and maybe stone. I don't know if they planned to extend it out into the ocean a bit, as a wolf who is determined to get to Hyannis Port can always swim out past the fence.

Whether this fence would hold up if the wolf huffed and puffed, we'll never know.

As near as I can tell, it would have started at Peaked Cliff (extreme north Sagamore Beach), worked along the line of the Herring River into and though Bournedale, before finishing up at Buttermilk Bay. Remember that the western/southern end of what is now the Canal was back then a swampy area where several small rivers emptied.

The Bournedale wolf wall was met with something less than enthusiasm by the townspeople, and the idea was shelved permanently. Aside from the obvious cost and effort, there was a sentiment about town that the wall, while keeping wolves out, would also keep wolves we already had in.

It was instead decided to wage an environmental holocaust, deforest an entire region, and chase the fauna into New Hampshire. Ironically, about 200 years later, they decided to instead dig a moat and float oil tankers and container vessels through the same area. The Cape Cod Canal had pretty much the exact effect that Sammich voters were asked to consider in 1717. The Canal became a stopping point for most animal migration, and it is fairly amazing that we somehow got a bear to Truro recently.

We may never get wolves again, although they are advancing south and east from Canada. Once they get to New Hampshire, it becomes only a matter of time before one of them ponders a swim across the Canal. Lesser predators such as fishers and coyote have already made the Hop.

In fact, the wolves may already be here. They got here via the ol' "gradually mate and hybridize (not real science kids, I just made the word up) and then come back disguised as coyote" trick. The local Eastern Coyote has a lot of Grey Wolf in his DNA. A study in Maine showed 22/100 coyotes studied had wolf DNA, with one "coyote" having 89% wolf DNA.

The basic idea here is that, as wolves were chased from a region, they mated with coyote in the regions they fled to. Through kicking it as wolves and coyotes do, the hybridized DNA would spread through the coyote population. The resulting hybrid (a "coywolf") which is migrating back into Massachusetts is the basic current design of that coyote you see in your back yard. If you want to guess at how much Wolf DNA they have, look for pack behavior. Coyotes generally hunt in pairs, while wolf/coyotes work in larger groups.

Mother Nature, who is inexorable, tends to get the last laugh. She no doubt had a solid session watching us ponder and build fences and canals which in the end failed to keep the wild dogs away.

Either way, it may make normally boring Bournedale a little more exciting if you know that it was almost a Checkpoint Charlie for Cape Cod wildlife.

How Hot Does It Get In EMASS?

Eastern Massachusetts is in for some broiling temperatures this weekend. It will be hot. Red hot. Hot enough that cows are giving powdered milk. Hot enough that Jehovah's Witnesses are using Skype. Hot enough to detour funeral processions through Dairy Queen. Chickens-laying-omelettes hot.

This naturally leads to the question of how hot does it get in Massachusetts.

Let's look at the planet, first... or, how hot does the world get. Skipping past avoidable things like Lava and Blast Furnaces, we will use the standard of 1.5 meters above the ground.

There are several claimants. The World Meteorological Organization recognizes Furnace Creek Ranch, California. They hit 134.1 degrees Fahrenheit on July 10th, 1913. If Furnace Creek isn't named well enough for you, know that it is in Death Valley.

This figure is disputed. It was taken during a sandstorm, which may have fouled the readings. If you believe that, then the record of 129.2 is shared by both Death Valley (2013) and Mitribah, Kuwait (2016).

The WMO no longer recognizes the 136° figure taken from Aziziya, Libya in 1922, which makes my childhood copy of the Guinness Book obsolete.

Massachusetts doesn't have a Libyan climate, so our temperatures don't get that high. We are the 35th warmest state for summer temperatures, averaging 69 degrees for June, July and August (remember, the average includes overnights). It varies from the Cape to the Berkshires, but that's a good number to work with.

We get over 90° 5-15 times a year, although the Cape averages less than one 90+ day per year.

Individual highs vary from Town to town, and from source to source. We tend to have an oceanic rather than continental climate once you move east of the I-95 corridor.

Here are some record high temperatures for individual towns in our area:

New Bedford, 107°  August 2, 1975... New Beffuh has the state record.

Barnstable, 99°, July 5, 1999

Boston, 103°, July 22 2011

Brockton, 104°, August 28, 1948

Chatham, 95°, July 6, 1999

East Wareham. 100°, August 28, 1948

Edgartown, 99°, August 27, 1948

Hingham, 101°, July 22, 2011

Kingston , 102, July 26th, 1952

Norton, 101°, July 20, 1991

Plymouth, 102°, July 26, 1952

Rochester, 102°, July 22, 1991

Taunton, 102°, August 2, 1975

Patriot Hermit Crabs

I'm not 100% sure that this isn't animal abuse, but it is otherwise pretty cool.

Hermit crabs are softer than other crustaceans. They don't grow their own shells, instead acquiring discarded shells from other crustaceans. The shell allows them to retract into it for defense.

Hermit crabs will fight, steal and kill to get a good shell. If need be, they will happily adopt good man-made items as their home. It doesn't get much gooder than a Patriots helmet.

The crab pictured actually has his own shell, which has somehow been wedged into the Pats helmet. A football helmet is not the preferred shape for a crab, even an enormous one. It leaves room for attack, a poor trait for a defense mechanism.

The Patriots crab, forced to drag around a massive second shell, will either die or gain great strength. It's pure Nietzsche... what doesn't kill it will make it stronger. And if it does kill it, they're only $6.99, so you can go get another.

Many species of animal use colorful shells/feathers/fur to attract mates, so the Littlest Patriot may be letting his freak flag fly frequently, a possibility to consider if you are buying more than one. Sh*t, look at the level of females that Tom Brady gets in the same helmet.

I would like to get 11-22 Patriot crabs, then find a similar number of crabs wearing some other team's helmet. Put them in the same tank, let them go to war, kinda like that electric football game they sold in the 1970s before video games were invented.

I'm guessing that you'd put them in formation and use possession of food to motivate them. Eventually, one of them will cross the goal line, making it more like Rugby than the NFL. Who cares? It's crab football.

Animal cruelty is one thing, but remaking the Ice Bowl or the Tuck Rule game with crabs is as good a reason as you'll get for some moral contortions.

If you decide to adopt the Patriot Way, you can get Patriot Crabs at the Seaberry Surf gift shop in Wellfleet. Other stores out there also have them.

Death From Above: Seagull Attacks

                

The beach is getting to be a dangerous place these days. You could always drown, or get washed out to your doom by a riptide, or smashed into a rock by storm waves or even get eaten by a shark. Most of your trouble is going to come from the sea part of the seashore.

You're not expecting Death From Above.

Now, fear you not, I'll be speaking of English things today. However, it's just a hop across the puddle from England to here. England's problems can become our problems very easily, even without the actual suspects themselves coming over the pond.

What you and I think of as Cranberry County could very easily be overrun with Attack Gulls. These attack gulls are all the rage in England right now, and there is no reason to think that we aren't in for some of the same medicine.

In England, seagulls are attacking people to the extent that the Prime Minister had to address it. They have tallied up a few corpses, including a human.

Gulls are big birds, and remarkably adaptive. They'll eat anything people eat, and then some. This makes them frequent visitors to McDonald's, dumps, sporting arenas, wharfs, and anywhere else people might leave food lying around.

While I personally think they're cute, many view them as a pest species. Nicknames for gulls include "flying rat," "featherpest," "wharf rat" and "air dog." They beg for food harder than any non-dog species, and are not above taking food if it is not proffered.

English residents are complaining about gulls being involved in various forms of malfeasance. The principal offenses include:

- Two seagulls in Cornwall killing a Yorkshire Terrier named "Roo." They had previously been stealing Roo's food. Roo weighed 2 pounds. Cause of death = head trauma, and he was covered in peck marks. He was killed in front of a 3 year old.

- There's another gull vs. dog killing story in England somewhere, I couldn't find the link. (Editor: A chihuahua in Devon was killed by gulls)

- A pet tortoise, also from Cornwall, was turned over and pecked to death by a flock of seagulls (not the band). Tortoise name = "Stig."

- Numerous other near-fatal or unreported fatalities involving cats, dogs, pet rodents and other gull prey.

Then, the gulls started with People Food

- A pensioner (English for "old person") got her wig split by a dive-bombing gull who may have mistaken her hair for a rabbit or something. A different white-head was attacked by the town wharf earlier in the week.

- English people call such attacks either "being swooped upon" or a "scalping."

- Gulls attacked an elderly man in Yorkshire. It looked Hitchcockian, according to witnesses. Another pensioner (that's a catchy phrase, I'm starting to go to it instinctively) and her husband came to his aid, and she got her pelvis broken for her troubles.

- Postal service was disrupted in wherever you live to be Cornish by gulls, who may have been protecting nests. This is even more fun because I found out that mail carriers are called "posties" in the UK, and the offender was called a "stroppy seagull."

Then, sh*t got real.

An elderly mail-carrier died after suffering a heart attack during an attack by gulls. He had been working in his garden at the time, something that gull-attack researchers like myself come to realize is a bad move for old people in Gull Country.

This was the only gull-related fatality I came across, but I'm sure there were dozens in pre-history.

Two other gull attacks jumped out of the news, and note the locations, which prove that gull attacks are not distinctive to England... although The Birds was set in England, and this may have emboldened English gulls.

- Pope Francis may have invented a ghastly new sport when he had two children release Peace Doves. As you've probably already guessed by the previous content of this article, the Peace Doves were set upon by a gull and a crow. Gulls and crows, who usually compete for food and are not above eating each other, become allies in some food-gathering situations. Fun aside... the attacking gull was nicknamed the "Holy See-gull." This was in the very non-English locale of Vatican City.

- In Ocean City, Maryland, a man made the news for snapping a gull's neck on a crowded beach. Police responded, and left with a story. The man had been defending his two year old daughter. Gulls had honed in on her because she had a sandwich, and they weren't taking No for an answer. Dad did what Dads sometimes have to do with overbearing suitors, and snapped his neck like Rick Rude. The child suffered pecking injuries. Dad claimed he dispatched the beast with a towel snap, and broke the gull's neck as a mercy killing. "Love is the shadow that ripens the wine."

- A girl in England, who lives in a link I saw when I was thinking about writing this story but can not find now that I actually AM writing the story) had a finger nearly severed when a gull tried to steal a snack out of her hand.

Anyhow, enough links. I have proven that gulls are dangerous, and that you should live in fear of them.

Gulls attack humans for two reasons, generally. Not enough research has been done to determine if sociopathology exists among gulls, who would then just attack for the f*ck of it.

One, the gull is protecting her nest. Bird eggs are a source of food for countless animals, birds, and what have you. Gulls know the eggs are yummy, and go to great lengths to protect them. This is generally what happened if you read about a human without food being attacked.

Two, gulls are going after food. Gulls get fed by humans, both directly and indirectly. They come to associate humans with food. When they see people, they start thinking about food.

Food theft is a gull behavior known as, and I'm not making this up, kleptoparasitism. Even the spell check doesn't believe that I didn't make that term up.

Kleptoparasitism is when animals steal food from more adept predators. A bear may chase wolves off a kill. A shark may appropriate a meal from a spearfisher. Stuff like that. Leave some french fries unattended outside the next time you're at a coastal McDonald's. Watch a gull show up and steal them. That's kleptoparasitism.

Applied in a gull/human interaction, it involves either a dive bombing attack on a sandwich, a hopping gull trying to swipe a sandwich from a vulnerable human, or a mass attack by a pile o' gulls.

A dive bombing is the only real threat to an adult human, although getting pecked is no fun. A big gull, such as an around-here Great Black Backed Gull, can be a yard across and weigh 5 pounds. While not in the 200 mph range of a diving falcon, a diving gull can hit 30-50 mph from a short height and still make a precision attack.

For a basis of comparison, Logan Thomas threw the fastest ball at the NFL combine in the most recent test (2014) I've read about. He hit 65 mph, with an object roughly the same size, shape and weight as a seagull. Imagine having him throw at the back of your head, and the ball having talons. That's a gull attack, player!

Gulls are more built for combat than we give them credit for. Gulls can kill hawks and eagles if they get the drop on them, and there are reports from Europe of gulls killing sheep  and even a deer. 

They can do damage with their beak, with their powerful talons, or their sheer f=ma dive-bombng striking power. A Mister Webster from 1980s Duxbury High School would be pleased to see that I somehow retained Newton's second law of motion from Physics class.

Gulls generally, but not always, launch stealth attacks. It's easier to attack someone who doesn't see you coming, and gulls- an apex predator anywhere where large eagles and hawks are not present- are fully aware of this. Be it for food or to drive you from the nest, they'll swoop down from above or behind, maybe both. They'll strike with their talons, and leave you in stitches.

Cape Cod, the South Coast and the South Shore have seagulls all over the friggin' place. They look innocent, but they could be massing, plotting or both. One day, people, there may be a reckoning. Don't you dare say that Cranberry County Magazine didn't try to warn you.

Remember.... Plymouth was the home of Genghis Swan.

Here's some English stuff about How To Survive A Gull Attack. Be careful, they speak English-English, and you have to look up terms like "Stroppy."

Just so you know that I listen to both sides, here is a link to Seagulls Are Not Evil.

Plymouth Beach/Cliff Management

Beaches are not permanent things. Waves, wind and rain erode beaches, and shifting sands go where they may.

It's how the world works, and how it worked for a long, long time before man arrived and started building along the coasts.

This natural order of things is all good, as long as you don't mind the fact that Monument Beach may become Monument Harbor some day.

Oceans have a way of asserting themselves, and care little for these maps that men draw.

Of course, this natural order of things sometimes gets in the way of important things like Waterfront Development and Beach Access, which is where we'll be going in today's column.

You're looking at Cedarville, which is a better-sounding name than the more fitting "Wicked Big Dune."

Cedarville, a Plymouth village, is where you end up if you walk North out of Sagamore Beach. Their coastline is defined by giant, fragile sand cliffs.

Sand cliffs are very vulnerable to erosion, especially if they have no vegetation. You can pretty much see how it works just looking at the picture above. Rain and gravity move the sand from top to bottom, and the ocean washes the sand down the beach.

Much of the Massachusetts coastline is built that way. Scituate also has sand cliffs, and the erosion of these cliffs nourishes beaches south of Scituate in Marshfield and Duxbury. Saquish and her sand cliffs replenish beach sand in northern Plymouth, while sand cliffs in Manomet handle southern Plymouth.

Cedarville's job is to hook up Sagamore Beach, Scusset Beach, and Town Neck Beach. Cedarville's sand cliffs meet up with Sagamore Beach's sand cliffs, as you can see in the picture below. The flow of sand tends to be, as directed by the ocean's forces, north to south. The coastline south of this picture depends on these cliffs for their sand, lest the (present) coastline gradually erode away.

Shifting sands are all well and good, unless you own a little cottage on top of those sand cliffs.

Very few people say "Hmmmm.... I think I'll build my house directly on the lip of this 150 foot free fall." However, they didn't understand how Erosion works, or they underestimated how quickly it happens in the great scheme of things.

That's how you get a house with Potential Energy that very much resembles a cottage version of Lindsey Vonn about to bust out of the gate and ski downhill.

Maybe the builders/buyers knew about erosion, but counted on it not being a problem in their YOLO lifetimes.

I always think of Henry Beston when pondering this. His famous "Outermost House" was eventually pulled into the sea in the Blizzard of '78, but I assume that Henry Beston was long dead when that happened. Whatever design and location flaws the Outermost House may have had, it lasted long enough for him.

To avoid a Bestoning of your beach house, you need to put in some work. This generally involves building a seawall. A thick concrete wall running miles along the coast is more of a job for the US Army Corps of Engineers than one for a scrappy homeowner, but other options are available.... and necessary, as the US and Massachusetts governments seem to have given up on Cedarville.

In fact, looking at those cliffs, the government would have to build one of those 20 story World War Z-style Jerusalem walls, which would be a pretty expensive and exclusive job considering that it would immediately benefit about 10-30 homes. Cedarville residents are on their own.

The home in the pictures above and below went for the Lobster Pot approach.

The homeowner wraps scores of stones in metal netting, and uses it to build a base at the bottom of his cliff.

The netting keeps the stones from being washed away one at a time in large storms. The stones, in theory, keep the cliff from washing away.

It works better if your next-door neighbor builds one as well, but you can't win 'em all, folks.

Here's a close-up.

There's a Rock Lobster joke lurking in the picture above, but even I won't hack away at that level.

You can also use this sort of pantyhose-style sand condom thing that the guy in the picture below favors. He looks like he may need to make it a bit higher, but what do I know?

I do wonder if there are laws against using beach sand for that purpose. I don't want to hassle the homeowner, as he has enough problems. I suppose that he may even be helping the beach, or at least the cliff.

I just think it's funny that a guy who lives on a giant sand dune which overlooks a sandy beach might have to import sand.

Keeping the sand from washing downhill is just part of the problem. You also have to keep it from washing downstream, or whatever you call "downstream" with oceans.

This is where the Groin comes in. Yes, it's a silly name, one which the actual English English-speakers get around by using the more Olde English-looking groyne.

As near as I can tell, the difference between a groyne and a jetty is that a jetty is at least partially in the water all the time, ideally to protect a channel or harbor entrance. 

A groyne is there to keep Cedarville's sand from becoming Sagamore Beach's sand, and is mostly on land at low tide.

While they are more angry at the Scusset Beach jetty that is the north end of the Cape Cod Canal, this groyne is one of the things that the Trustees Of Sandwich Beaches people are all upset about.

Every grain of sand that the groyne prevents from moving south is a little bit of Sandwich eroding into the sea, kinda/sorta. If you are ever driving on Route 6A in the future and a wave washes under your car, you're going to have to learn some Olde English if you want to place the blame properly.

This groyne is on the beach in front of (and preserving) the 18th Hole on the golf course at the White Cliffs Country Club. The hole is on top of a dune, as they haven't invented Beach Golf yet. The groyne was built in 2008, after some legal wrangling. WCCC would be a 17 hole golf course in a few years if they didn't have several groynes.

All of this occurs in about a quarter mile of extreme Southern Plymouth. We'll be back in a few days to talk about Sagamore.

Seaberry Surf Beach Shop

Wellfleet, MA... 

There wasn't enough cheesy nautical stuff in my house, so we headed out to Seaberry Surf.

Mommy Raft

If I brought this home, Bay Bay Cat would fight it.

"You got city hands, Mr. Hooper..."

Air Hockey

I wonder if other birds think flamingos are tacky?

Every time you go here, the lizard tries to get you to change your motorcycle insurance.

We have socks in both Conservative and Liberal... and Spongebob.

Obligatory nautical stuff pic

"Give me that Filet o Fish..."

You'd figure that Uncle Drew and the boys in green might merit a buoy, but No. 

Industrious little shucker, huh?

I am from the Old School... if the buoy looks freshly painted, moor it out in the ocean until it doesn't.

The one on the left tastes like Chrissy Watkins

So says him

Eat fudge until you can't budge

Awwww

I wonder if sharks won't eat people on unicorn rafts because it looks too ridiculous. "I have my reef credibility to keep up..."